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“Before you meet the love of your life, there’s usually one guy you date that you try to convince yourself is him. Let me save you some time. He’s not.”

“I’ve always assumed that people who don’t own pets are serial killers.”

“The more fulfilled you are by one person, the harder it is to maintain intimacy with another. And the longer it’s left unattended, the harder it is to come back from.”

“We live in a society that propagates the notion that a successful woman is hot; has perfect teeth and hair; loves giving blow jobs; drinks beer but doesn’t gain weight; has a boyfriend she isn’t sick of after two years of him not proposing; looks young enough to still get carded buying cigarettes, dresses like she works for Anna Wintour; and never looks like she’s trying as hard as she’s actually trying to be motherf*cking perfect.”

“When women ask you to be in their wedding, they might as well just say, ‘give me a check for a thousand dollars and all your attention for the next six months.'”

“Richard Bach wrote, ‘A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys and keys to fit our locks.’ For Jason and me, it was more like he didn’t even try the lock. He just wrapped a big rock in some annoying Urban Outfitters T-shirt I never would have approved of and chucked it haphazardly through my bathroom window while I was picking a chin zit. But once he was in, he was in!”

One Million Page Princess

I have followed actress, writer, and all around hilarious woman Jenny Mollen on Twitter (@jennyandteets) for awhile now. I didn’t realize she was married to Jason Biggs for a long time either, and just thought she had some weird hilarious obsession with the guy. When this memoir came out I was pretty excited, but also a little wary. Not all of her tweets hit that comedic sweet spot for me, so I wasn’t sure what her full book would be like.

For the most part, i like you just the way i am was very funny. For anyone who isn’t familiar with Jenny and her type of humor, she’s kind of in the same genre as someone like Chelsea Handler: a bit crass, a bit naughty, but usually spot on. I didn’t love every chapter/essay in this book. Some of them were just a bit too neurotic and, unfortunately I got a bit tired of hearing about her full blown stalker antics and why she blames her insecurities on her parents. I also think she sometimes can go a bit overboard with the narcissism and the shock value, but you really have to applaud a woman that can be so open, honest, and brave. It takes a major set of ovaries to be able to divulge some of the stuff she was willing to, and I commend her for that.

Who doesn’t want to hear about how Jason Biggs is EXCELLENT at pole dancing? And what happens when your poodle eats someone’s condoms? Okay, okay… if you’re on the more prudish side of the fence, steer clear. Jenny Mollen’s humor is not for everyone. Otherwise, get ready to laugh your ass off. This would be a great read to finish up the Summer with.

Until next time,

OMPP