“However, the most important thing I can leave you is the following wisdom: Never accept a marriage proposal from a man in open toed shoes. He’s either gay or a gypsy. Never cry. It causes swelling. Doctors, lawyers and princes come and go. Oil money lasts forever. Get your first face-lift by the time you’re forty-two after that it’s too late. Don’t go to bed with a full face of makeup on, unless you think you may die in your sleep. You should never have to work to make a living. You’re smarter than that. I miss you already, my love, and I’ll be watching over you. So spend my money with good taste. I deserve that.”
“Everyone makes fun of me during group sessions. Their nickname for me is ‘White Girl Problems’. I know that Jackson and the rest of the cast of Trainspotting think that because I grew up in Bel Air, they know what I’m all about. They don’t. My life is not a joke, and that nickname is actually so f*cking rude.”
“By the time we sashayed through the door, all the pieces of my quest to lose my virginity were falling into place. I could see the finish line in the distance. I could hear the cheers of my loved ones on the sidelines; they were handing me cups of water that I was pouring on my head. They were throwing me PowerBars, and I was slapping them, because everyone knows PowerBars are nothing but carbs and sugar, with barely less regret than a Snickers bar. P.S. I would never run a f*cking marathon.”
“Genevieve thinks I’m crazy to spend so much money on my teeth, but Genevieve doesn’t know what my nightmares look like.”
One Million Page Princess
April 25th 2014
This week I read both White Girl Problems and the upcoming sequel Psychos (to be released April 29th). We’ve all laughed at the hilarious Twitter account that catalyzed the development of these books, but in order to properly understand the sequel I figured I should read the first one as well. As per the publisher’s request I did not include any quotes from the much anticipated Babe Walker follow up, but did include a few quotes from WGP to give you a feel for the tone of both of the books.
Normally, I am not into this kind of stuff. Ignorance and entitlement are two traits that I usually loath, so I was a bit worried about reading two whole novels that are rooted in that stuff. Right off the top I do have to say that I feel this book should be called Rich Girl Problems, instead of White. Just sayin’. Other than that, I have to admit I found these books entertaining. I couldn’t help it. If you can sit back and enjoy them without judgement, and focus on the fact that they’re a great satire on the ridiculously wealthy youth of today, they’re actually really funny.
In White Girl Problems we meet Babe Walker, a fictional twenty something daughter of a wealthy entertainment lawyer (he bankrolls her ridiculous lifestyle) who is obsessed with shopping, fashion, not eating solid food, and trying to maintain control of her alter ego Babette. After she spends nearly $300,000 at Barney’s during a mental breakdown she realizes it’s time to go to rehab for her shopping and/or substance abuse issues, but mainly her shopping. She pens this “memoir” during her time in rehab, and it covers a full range of topics. Some of the chapter titles should give you an idea of what these topics include:
Sorry For Texting You 93 Times Last Night
My Vagina is Bullsh*t
Every Job I’ve Ever Had Is The Worst Job I’ve Ever Had
I’m sure you get the drift.
Psychos, the much anticipated follow up, takes place after Babe gets out of rehab, and her dad has taken the manuscript for the first book and gotten it published. It ends up being incredibly successful, and kind of changes Babe’s life, since now she’s more than a socialite, she’s actually kind of a celebrity. I preferred this one to the first one. I felt like Babe was a much more likable character because she really was trying to get better post rehab, and she was able to step back and realize her ridiculous behavior more. Well, just barely, but she tries. In addition this one had a much better flow and I found was easier to read. I can’t include any quotes or plot points, but the tone is a slightly more mature one than that of the first book.
With summer just around the corner, I would recommend these as some great beach reads. They’re light, funny, and completely ridiculous. But, sometimes you just have to stop taking life so seriously and read something silly. I don’t think these books are for everyone, but I am someone who usually can’t stand listening to entitled people complain and I still enjoyed them. If Babe gets too annoying for you, just remember that these books are written by two males and one female as a SATIRE. They’re supposed to be absurd and larger than life.
Happy reading lovelies!