“I am interested in people who swim in the deep end. I want to have conversations about real things with people who have experienced real things. I’m tired of talking about movies and gossiping about friends. Life is crunchy and complicated and all the more delicious.”

“Act like a bossy lady ordering at a deli. ‘I want the ham on rye and make sure you toast it.’ If your guy is bad at dirty talk tell him to shut up. He might like that. If you don’t like dirty talk, don’t worry about it. It’s pretty hot if done well but it may not be up your alley. Also, try not to stick things up your alley.”

“He once asked me, ‘Are you sad that you don’t have a penis?’ I told him I was happy with the parts that I had. I then reminded him that girls have vaginas and everyone is different and each body is like a snowflake. He nodded in agreement and then looked up at me with a serious face and asked, ‘But did you once have a penis and break it?’ I was tempted to make a joke that would screw him up for life. ‘Yes, my son. Your mother once had a penis but it broke because you didn’t love her enough.’ The bond between mothers and sons is powerful stuff. I firmly believe that every boy needs his mom to love him and every girl needs her dad to pay attention to her. Archie needed to figure out if I had ever owned and operated a penis. I get it. His penis is important to him. Anyway, he starts college next year. Just kidding, he’s six. He recently asked if he could marry me and I said yes. I couldn’t help it. I would marry him anytime.”

One Million Page Princess

Yes Please, by Amy Poehler was hands down my favourite book of 2014. Possibly one of my favourite books of all time. And look at that, it squeezed in there during the 11th hour. This book is simply exceptional, and that’s an understatement.

This book has all the qualities I look for in a good friend, or a life partner. It was funny, honest, genuine, thoughtful, and inspiring. This book made me laugh out loud many, many times, and it also made me tear up and stop and want to make resolutions about the quality of person I want to be during my limited time on this planet (aka, a better one). We all knew this woman could write funny comedy sketches, but it extends so much further than that. Amy Poehler is an exceptional writer. Bottom, effing, line.

This book changed me. It’s not a funny book, as in, it doesn’t over reach and TRY to be funny, but it just is funny because Amy Poehler is funny to her core, and you can tell she wrote this book from her heart. It’s not really a memoir either, but she does discuss her time doing improv, working in film and television, (everything from SNL to Parks & Rec, which by the way I ordered every season of because of this book) and briefly touches on her divorce from Will Arnett. Okay, not really. Because, “it is too sad and too personal. Also, I don’t like people knowing my shit.” Enough said, and applause. Honestly? This book is kind of in the realm of self help, but not in a weepy, overdone ‘girl power’ kind of way. More of a… this is life, this is real, let’s do this shit, kind of way. It’s a little all over the map, but I think Amy is a little all over the map. And I liked that about it. If you’re looking for a well crafted memoir that sticks to some stoic timeline of events, or you want to know more facts about Amy Poehler, don’t read this book. If you want to feel like you actually know Amy Poehler, then sit back and enjoy.

Nothing I can say will do this book the justice it deserves. Nothing. But the bottom line is, it made me feel a little less alone in this world. It made me want to reach out and hug and love everyone I know and make them feel a little less alone in this world. It made me want to hold my head higher, speak up a little bit louder, and own my space more. It reminded me that shit happens, and no matter how bad that shit stinks, hold your ground, be yourself, and always treat everyone with the kindness they deserve.

And I laughed the whole way through.

This is THE book to start off your 2015 year. So get to it you filthy animals.